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Merry Christmas, innit!

Source: LocateTV

This is a guest rant post from the ever lovely Jules. She am the best.

Santander? Not so much.

I’m a pretty patient kind of a person. I honestly don’t mind waiting 20 minutes to speak to a busy customer care adviser. I mean they’re busy after all. In fact, I don’t even mind the 5 minutes it takes to enter my new telephone banking ID and pin (of which 3 minutes is spent trying the 2 different pins I was sent on the same day).

It might seem a bit odd that I can’t even talk to a human about my account without a login, but hey, for the sake of security, I don’t mind.

I guess that’s why I’m also pretty laid back when it takes a further 5 minutes to clear the security questions once I get through to said busy customer care advisor (note to self, shed some pounds, it’s darn right embarrassing to disclose that kind of weight to a total stranger).

But I guess where my patience tales off is thus:

BCCA = Busy Customer Care Advisor… Me = Me - clever, huh?

BCCA: One last security check before we proceed, can you just confirm your address Miss Lawrence?

Me: Why sure, it’s Lovely House, Quiet Road, Suburbia.

BCCA: Great, that’s what I have here. So, what can I do for you today?

Me: Well, my debit card, that awfully clever widget that lets me get my money out and pay for stuff like, oh I don’t know, food, well, it’s due to expire this month and you’ve not sent me a new one.

BCCA: Ah, I see the problem Miss Lawrence. We’ve updated your address on our systems but your postal address is still Noisy Flat, Busy Road, London. It’s been sent there.

Me: Oh, right. So I guess you thought I’d still like all my letters posted to my old address?

BCCA: Yes, that’s right Miss Lawrence, that was our thinking.

Me: Okey dokey. Um, so I guess we better cancel the new card and send me a new(er) one?

BCCA: Oh, well, we’d love to do that Miss Lawrence, we really would. The trouble is, the card was a replacement so it has exactly the same 16 digit card number as your current card. Oh and the same pin number. So we’d be cancelling both.

Me: Righhhht. Ok, so just so’s I’m clear, the new card, which doesn’t need to be activated with a new pin or owt, has been sent to someone who isn’t me. What happens if that person likes using clever widgety things to buy stuff like, I don’t know, high definition, flat screen TVs with built in 3D over the web?

BCCA: Well now, that is a conundrum. I guess we better cancel it Miss Lawrence.

Me: But then I can’t use my clever widgety thing to buy stuff like food?

BCCA: Now you’re getting it Miss Lawrence! Not for 10 days- that’s the legal requirement for sending out a new card btw.

Me: Ok, I guess I’m just a bit worried that I might get hungry or something.

BCCA: Oh no Miss Lawrence, you can get out money at your local branch. All you need is:

Photo ID
A bank statement
And proof of address (old and new)

We’re very good at security like that…

Said the man, working for the bank that sends identical cards to the wrong address.

Hmmm, that my lovelies is where my patience runs out. Santander, given your recent re-brand to San Tan D’uh, I’m moving to First Direct.

Well hello there my lovelies.

Less than a month ago in a bold/foolhardy fashion I decided to leave Gravytrain without another job to go to. I’m very pleased to say that the gamble has paid off and I’ll be joining the fabulous guys and gals at Distilled on Monday!

Over the past few weeks I’ve been overwhelmed by the messages of support, retweets, offers of freelance work, recommendations, suggestions of companies I should apply to - and the list goes on.

You are all kinds of awesome.

I’m not sure how I can ever really repay you; but if there’s owt you ever need, hit me up. Seriously.

I’m damn sure that I couldn’t have done it without you.

Hannah xxx

When I was 8 or 9; whenever anyone was up to mischief all the bystanders used to stand and chant (over and over again):

“Your muvver wouldn’t like it, your muvver wouldn’t like it, your muvver wouldn’t like it.”

I’m not quite sure why. Perhaps it’s just because kids love repetition. Perhaps it was to alert the dinner ladies - something akin to the “fight, fight, fight” chant that used to ensure that any fights were swiftly broken up.

Anyways when I started playing with Google Instant yesterday the “your muvver wouldn’t like it” chant started up in my head (don’t worry it’s not like I hear voices or anything… well sometimes I do - it’s normally Janeane Garofalo - but whatever, that’s not the point).

I decided to test the theory with my own darling Mummy. Would my Muvver like it?

Right, some background. My Mummy is no silver surfer. She finds search engines confusing. She finds it really hard to find what she’s looking for - mainly it has to be said, because her choice of search query sometimes a bit bizarre.

She also has some ‘issues’ with certain sites. For example, she doesn’t like Ticketmaster - even though from time to time she uses them. Conversely she likes Amazon, but if she wants to buy a book she’d normally type in the name of the book first, rather than going straight to Amazon and searching for the book there.

She doesn’t like the ‘PPP’ ads (I’ve told her a millionty times it’s PPC not PPP) because she thinks that they’re irrelevant. Even when they’re not - what can I say perception is reality.

Ordinarily she’ll do multiple searches until she finds what it is she’s looking for. As she puts it she finds it hard to express what it is she wants to find in the search box.

Me: So, Mumsy how do you like Google Instant?

Mumsy: What? What are you talking about?

She didn’t notice. She was so focused on the search box she wasn’t aware of the listings changing as she typed.

I had to point it out to her. I thought this in itself was pretty interesting.

Me: Can you see how the listings are changing as you type?

Mumsy: Oh, oh I don’t like that at all. It’s all a bit hectic - there’s too much going on. I don’t like the way the page is changing so fast. It’s preempting my search too early.

If things started to happen after I type a full word or two I might like it more - but it’s trying to guess what I want after I type in a single letter - it’s getting it all wrong.

NB - you’d hope of course that over time these predictions would get more accurate based on historical personalised search behaviour.

Me: Do you think you’d get used to it over time?

Mumsy: (Grudging) yes I suppose.

Me: Would you consider using another search engine that didn’t predict your every keystroke like that?

Mumsy: I always use Google. I didn’t know that there were other search engines. Why would I use another search engine?

Me: Because it wouldn’t do the predictive thang.

Mumsy: I don’t know any other search engines.

Me: What if I showed you them?

Mumsy: They wouldn’t do all that jumping around?

Me: Nope.

Mumsy: Mmmm I might.

So there you have it. Google Instant- my Muvver doesn’t like it.

However - she’s so brand loyal that despite her dislike of the new functionality she only said she *might* consider changing search engine… Interesting, huh?

What do you think? What does your Muvver think? Hit up those comments loves

Well hello there.

This is perhaps the scariest post I’ve ever written. In what might be described as a bold move by some (er my Mum); or quite possibly a foolhardy one; I’ve elected to leave Gravytrain - the agency where I’ve worked for a little over two and a half years.

Where’s the bold / foolhardy bit?

Well the truth is I don’t have a job to go to. Yet.

I have some freelance work, some savings and what not; so we’re not talking panic stations just yet - but frankly I know it would really make my Dad happy if I could find gainful employment within the next month or two.

So, if you’ve always thought it would really kinda cool to work with me, I’d just love it if you’d get in touch. I’m open to hearing about pretty much any opportunities be they freelance, part time or full time positions in SEO / Paid Search / Social Media.

Drop me an email tzeitelhannahsmith (at) gmail.com