Sadly, due to creative differences our friendship is on hiatus… I’m hoping mediocre service will be resumed as soon as possible. We apologise for any delay caused to your onward journey.
I’m a little hurt. I sensed, at best a disbelieving; and at worst, a downright mocking tone to my beloved friend’s take on my learning guitar.
So, a comment just won’t do! I feel the need to write a response, and I’d like to call it “Why Jules will learn guitar!” So here goes…
Reasons why Jules will learn guitar:
I’m pretty tall so I reckon I could definitely lift one up
They’ve only got 4 strings (or is it 6?)
I’ve seen those Guitar Hero ads – anyone can!
My brother plays the guitar and he has children*
I used to play the cello, which is basically just an upside-down guitar
I’ve made it to the grand old age of 27 without any desperate desire to commit suicide or OD, so I’m already guaranteed to have much more longevity than any of the greats (sorry Jimi, Kurt and Jim – you were good in your own way, please don’t feel bad)
*I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but it sounds like a damn good reason.
And finally, I’d like to take this opportunity to say, I think it’s pretty unfair the way I come up with genius ideas for a website or a band with my mate Hannah, then she just hi-jacks them.
It’s almost as though she has more get-up-and-go than… oh sod it, I’m having a biscuit…
In my continued quest to stop this blog from spiralling into a scary ol rant-fest today’s post is all about the master plan which myself and the lovely Jules concocted over tea and millionaires shortcake last week.
Myself and Jules often sit and muse about the various ways that we can make our lives truly, madly, deeply amazing.
Shooting for Mediocrity is one such project.
The plan, my loves is this:
I have many dreams, just one of which is to become just famous enough that I can secure myself a spot on Strictly Come Dancing. Now, given that ‘celebrity status’ (albeit closer to Z list than A list) seems to be a requirement for Strictly, I need to find a way to get just famous enough that I can be considered eligible.
Given that I’d also like to be a singer, we figured (in our sugar rush state), that we could potentially kill two birds with one stone – we could achieve a little success as a band *AND* (as a result of the celebrity status which would follow) be eligible for Strictly. Nice.
So, we then decided to talk band names.
For some reason last Friday I was a bit obsessed with pop socks. Not because I like pop socks, in fact I think they’re hideous, but I like the way the words sound together – pop sock, pop sock, pop sock – sort of almost, but not quite a rhyme… whatever, lets just put it down to the sugar.
So I was coming up with names like Pop Sock Premonition, and Jules was trying to steer me away from talking about band names and on to more sensible subjects. As usual I began moaning about the fact that someone had stolen ‘Running with Scissors’ (the band name me and I my friends came up with in school)…
Then, my loves, we struck gold – ‘Shooting for Mediocrity’.
It’s such a good band name – it has a wonderful nod to the fact that I’m only in it, in order to acheive very minor celebrity status so I can go on Strictly. It’s also very British in it’s self-depricating tone. I really think that this could be the best band name ever.
Hell, I think it’s even better than Running with Scissors.
So, we’ve now got a few bits and pieces to do:
Find some people who can play some instruments (although Jules says she’s gonna learn guitar, I’m proficient at the triangle and do a passable impression of someone playing the tambourine)…
Write some songs (yep we’re a bit worried about this one*)
Play some gigs
Get a record contract
Achieve minor celebrity status
Get to go on Strictly
*We kind of went off on a tangent here about how perhaps rather than writing proper songs we could write some beatnik poetry. I think this would be very cool because another one of master plans is to win the lottery and open up my own bookshop with a coffee shop inside it and have beatnik poetry evenings.
Not a clue what I’m talking about? Watch this clip:
So anyway, back to the point – Shooting for Mediocrity – it’s gonna be… Mediocre… (well it is what we’re shooting for).
If you want to join me in my quest, kindly sign up below – the merchandising deals alone are going to make us literally tens of pounds.