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August 16th, 2011:

Blind Faith & The Mean Reds

So I promised you a post about the various weddings which I’ve been going to, and well here it is.

What’s both struck and impressed me about the weddings which I’ve been to this year is the very public display of blind faith between the two people about to be wed. Blind faith isn’t something we see a lot of nowadays. And that’s exactly what it is.

I think it’s very courageous to commit to another person, to make those promises. Particularly when no one can ever really predict what the future might hold. When perhaps the only thing we can be certain of is that change is just around the corner. Situations change, jobs change, hell – people change.

And I guess what most impresses the commitment-phobic, selfish, childish, sorry excuse for a human being that I am; is that despite the certain knowledge that things will change, these couples believe (even though they can’t possibly know for certain) that they want to be together. No matter what.

Whilst I sit on the sidelines idly wondering how the hell they’ve even made it down the aisle. I don’t mean figuratively – I mean literally. I’m not even the one getting married, but nevertheless the flight impulse is almost impossible for me to resist. I feel trapped and would like nothing more than to run.

Now clearly this causes something of a conflict for me. Going to weddings throws into sharp relief just how far away from that grown up world I really am. I’m aware that I’m being left behind. I’m scared that I’m the only girl in the room who doesn’t daydream about her wedding – either in the past or the future tense.

At weddings I feel like a foreigner, an outsider, an alien. I don’t belong. This gives me the mean reds like I can’t even tell you.

In short, dear reader, I find weddings extremely difficult. They make me feel sad.

That’s a very unattractive thing to admit out loud isn’t it? That I’m so wrapped up in my own weird little neurosis that I feel sad at weddings – which, let’s face it, are supposed to be happy occasions.

But, even whilst I might feel sad, I am happy for them (the couple in question I mean). I’m genuinely in awe of them, of their belief in each other, their faith.

But it’s safe to say that I’m not one of the girls risking life and limb in the frankly ugly scramble for the bride’s bouquet. I am far more likely to be found running in the opposite direction.

Given that change is always just around the corner, maybe I too will change. Maybe I won’t.

Maybe what’s needed here is a little faith. Blind, seeing or otherwise.

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