Radio Wars

Dear readers, this post, I fear may well dissolve into an incoherent rant.

But hey, as you’re here now you might as well read it, no?

In the office of the lovely online agency which are good enough to employ me, there is a radio. Yep, I know, old school huh? Anyway, a war is raging…

There are essentially just two factions. Myself versus everyone else.

Despite being 32 (and therefore far and away the longest in the tooth) I am still an Indie kid. As such, there’s really only one station I ever want to listen to - XFM.

Everyone else, despite being significantly younger seems to favour the menopausal women’s favourite - Heart FM. That’s right; the music station for people who’ve something against music. It makes me want to self harm…

Despite having absorbed the greatest song in the world ever into their playlist (thank God for small mercies) Heart FM’s USP seems to be playing middle of the road crap essentially designed not to offend. But it is offensive.

Here’s the last 10 songs they played:

A million love songs - Take That (fuck me sideways that’s shit)

Doesn’t mean anything - Alicia Keys (never was a song title so apt)

Save a Prayer - Duran Duran (actually I quite like this, but don’t tell anyone I said so)

Everything - Michael Buble (bloody Buble - I’d like to kick his smug head in, then cut his vocal chords)

She’s always a woman to me - Fyfe Dangerfield (Dangerfield looks worryingly like the new Buble to me - I don’t hate him yet, but there’s plenty of time)

Only You - Yazoo (Gah! I actually do like this)

Crazy for you - Madonna (Ah yes the song they always used to play at the end of the school disco so you could snog the face off someone with bad skin and sweaty palms in a catch the back of your throat haze of Lynx… Nostalgic, sure - but still a shower of shite)

I Swear - All 4 One (I’m not sure I have the words to express quite how appalling this song is)

You Know Me - Robbie Williams (My head might explode - why? Why?)

I heard it through the grapevine - Marvin Gaye (a classic, granted - but I’m not sure I really need to listen to it - y’know?)

So what is the matter with these youngsters?

They all seemingly love a bit of Buble. What. The. Fuck. Some of them are 21.

21 and loving Buble. That is what’s wrong with this country…

Or something…

Sure when you hit the HRT, then it’s possibly acceptable to love Buble. Possibly.

Despite being 32, and it possibly being a bit sad to still like proper music… I’m just not ready for all that saccharine. Music that ’sweet’ must surely mean you’re in danger of developing diabetes.

As you well know dear readers, I will not go gentle into that goodnight; I will instead rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Join me…

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!

Watch your back Buble.