All Marketers Are Liars

I work in marketing.

I’ve been know to be frugal with the truth. 

But, just for the record, I’d really rather not be. It’s less about morality (although of course I like to think I have a strong moral compass), and more about what actually works.

Polishing turds is a pointless exercise. They really don’t shine up that well… and even if they do - what do you have? A shiny turd. Excellent. A triumph of style over substance. Nothing more than spin.

And, spin - well it makes customers dizzy.

You might bamboozle them for a short while, but once they’ve regained their 20:20 vision, they’ll realise. They’ll feel short-changed at best, and at worst will be busily casting the cruciatus curse in your general direction.

They’re not going to say nice things about you.

They’re not going to recommend a friend.

There will be great vengeance and furious anger spewing forth from your customers mouths, screaming from their facebook statuses, and flooding twitter.

Maybe you’ll wonder why. Maybe you’ll blame the marketers.

But, perhaps, dear hearts - you really ought to reassess what it is you’re selling.

I know you like to think your shit don’t stink…

…But lean a little closer, those roses really smell like boo boo*

So rather than having your marketers spending their days polishing turds and fighting fires, create something truly brilliant. A service that delivers. A product which works. Customers who evangelise rather than curse you.

I’m about to stoop very low. I’m quoting Jerry Maguire (I’m sorry)

Help me help you.

Or perhaps

Help marketers help you.

We’d really like to be good. And we’d really like you to be good too.

*Lyrics from Roses, by OutKast, 2003.