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September, 2009:

Overheard in the Office

Sorry darlings, you definitely deserve a real post – full of sound and fury… (and quite probably) signifying nothing; however for now I’m hoping this will at least make you smile.

Gravytrain (who are kind enough to employ me) also run a lead generation/aggregator website called Quotesearcher, covering various insurance and financial service products. Anywho, one of my colleagues was cold calling some brokers to ask them if they wanted to join our panel.

He got through to one company, and was talking through our offering when the gentleman on the phone said (and this my loves is a direct quote):

“Get leads from the internet? I don’t use the internet, it’s for paedophiles.”

…He’s probably right. This whole internet thing is never gonna catch on.

Would You Go to Bed With Me?

Having recently written a post entitled spam for affirmation I was tickled pink to find this lovely bit of spam awaiting moderation today, (click on the image to enlarge, or use an old fashioned magnifying glass):

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly, they forgot to submit “Um” and “I’ve noticed you around” prior to this message.

Shame.

Hey Ugly… Happy Birthday

Hey baby bro.

The snail mail sucks… the interwebz rule.

This is for you, and actually it’s better than the crappy bit of cardboard I sent:

Happy Birthday!

Big Sis

xxx

Little Lion Man – Mumford & Sons

I’m just loving this right now… And you should too.

Mumford & Sons / Little Lion Man video

All Marketers Are Liars

I work in marketing.

I’ve been know to be frugal with the truth. 

But, just for the record, I’d really rather not be. It’s less about morality (although of course I like to think I have a strong moral compass), and more about what actually works.

Polishing turds is a pointless exercise. They really don’t shine up that well… and even if they do – what do you have? A shiny turd. Excellent. A triumph of style over substance. Nothing more than spin.

And, spin – well it makes customers dizzy.

You might bamboozle them for a short while, but once they’ve regained their 20:20 vision, they’ll realise. They’ll feel short-changed at best, and at worst will be busily casting the cruciatus curse in your general direction.

They’re not going to say nice things about you.

They’re not going to recommend a friend.

There will be great vengeance and furious anger spewing forth from your customers mouths, screaming from their facebook statuses, and flooding twitter.

Maybe you’ll wonder why. Maybe you’ll blame the marketers.

But, perhaps, dear hearts – you really ought to reassess what it is you’re selling.

I know you like to think your shit don’t stink…
…But lean a little closer, those roses really smell like boo boo*

So rather than having your marketers spending their days polishing turds and fighting fires, create something truly brilliant. A service that delivers. A product which works. Customers who evangelise rather than curse you.

I’m about to stoop very low. I’m quoting Jerry Maguire (I’m sorry)

Help me help you.

Or perhaps

Help marketers help you.

We’d really like to be good. And we’d really like you to be good too.

 

*Lyrics from Roses, by OutKast, 2003.