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April, 2009:

Ear Maggot VII

Today’s ear maggot comes courtesy of Debbi, who on Friday night introduced me to Heidi Vogel – she’s amazing:

Heidi Vogel is a 26 year old singer, songwriter from North London and is currently working on an album. Anyone wanna come with me and see her live?

Adventures in Online Dating & Attractiveness Rank

Well my loves, it’s been an eventful weekend.

On Friday night fueled by copious glasses of wine and peer pressure I signed up to a dating website. I am now the proud owner of a profile on the Guardian’s ‘soulmates’ site.

It. Is. Scary.

I feel hideously inept – like a new kid, at a new school, standing in the playground staring intently at my shoes.

Gradually, I will get my head round it. Like any community, online or otherwise there seem to be norms to which you need to conform to.

Basically, it goes like this:

  1. Set up profile.
  2. Part with hard earned cash.
  3. Look at boys profiles.
  4. Giggle (at lot).

At some point, you find someone who you think might be good for you, at this point you have a few choices:

a) You can ‘favourite’ them. If you favourite someone, I guess it means you kinda like them. You’re registering your interest in them, but without contacting them directly. However, they will know that you have favourited them.

With me so far? Okey dokey then.

b) You can also elect to send them a message. Here’s where it gets kinda tricky – how on earth can you possibly communicate what an amazingly interesting, witty, gorgeous individual you are?

Well, if you’re me, you tell an extreme sports enthusiast about the abseiling incident you had, when aged 12 you let out too much rope and wound up lying the wrong way up against the surface you were supposed to abseiling down.

Or you tell a guy who likes his tea strong, that you’re not sure why you’re emailing him when you’re essentially incompatible because you like your tea milky.

Surprisingly neither have yet responded to me… 

The good news is, that some other guys have registered their interest in me (who said romance was dead?). Unhappily – 3 out of the 4 who’ve either messaged or favourited me are – how can I put this? Not quite my cup of tea. 

I’ve decided I need to be a bit more scientific when evaluating potential profiles, so I have created ‘attractiveness rank’ (I might even trademark it).

Now attractiveness rank is a complex algorithm. Here’s how it works – 50% of the rank is based on looks (sorry, it’s harsh, but true). The remaining 50% is based on how witty I think the profile is.

There are also wild cards – e.g –

  1. Anyone who quotes the Goonies gets a bonus point because I love the Goonies. 
  2. People who like extreme sports get docked 1 point because extreme sports frighten me.
  3. People who look similar to ex-boyfriends get automatically discounted because I think it would be weird to go out with someone who reminded me of an ex.
  4. People who are too good looking get discounted because they won’t fancy me and I hate rejection (I had a terrible time getting over Brad Pitt’s rejection – I just can’t go through it again).
  5. People who mention that they’re rich get discounted because I think talking about money is vulgar.

So my loves – clearly the algorithm is in it’s infancy – feel free to suggest further enhancements.

Oh & it’s my birthday tomorrow, all gifts gratefully received 😉

So, if the Gameboy’s 20 that makes me… old

Hello my loves!

Many of you will already know, but as I always like to arrive fashionably late to any party, I thought I’d also be late in letting you know that twenty years ago on Tuesday (21st April), the Gameboy was launched.

If you’re young, (damn you, can you just stop being young? You’re making me feel old) then chances are you won’t remember the game boy in it’s original incarnation. Here’s how it used to look:

Lovely boxy, chunky brick of a thing. And the screen was rubbish and it wasn’t colour. And it was marvellous.

The Game Boy actually belonged to my brother, but he was pretty ok about me playing it. Perhaps most interestingly I remember the Game Boy as the device which brought gaming to the older generation – i.e. the parents. Prior to the Game Boy, computer games were definitely for kids / teenagers only – the Game Boy changed all that.

My Mum loved playing tetris – so much so, she had to cough up for extra batteries (and my God – the Game Boy *ate* batteries). It also meant she couldn’t really nag us too much about playing on it for too long – as she was totally addicted too.

Eventually she bought some rechargable batteries, and a widget to charge them with – cheaper in the long run than keeping us in duracells.

I also remember some kid at school tried to steal my brother’s Game Boy, such was my love for it (and possibly my brother) I think I gave the kid a black eye.

Game Boy, I heart you and salute you. Happy birthday!

 

Image credit Nintendo

Spanky New Compare the Meerkat Ad – with Sergei from IT

Hello loves,

What’s that I hear you cry? Two posts in one day? – You’re spoiling us! I know, I know – I’m too good to you.

Anywho, a wee social media meerkat update – Aleksandr tweeted this today:

“Sneak Preview of brand new TV advertisement is here! See IT genius Sergei for first time here http://www.comparethemeerkat.com/my-movies

Well, click the link loves – it’s quite safe – there’s a new page on Compare the Meerkat for ‘movies’ (that’s TV ads).

The ad doesn’t appear to have shown up on YouTube yet – clearly the guys at Compare the Meerkat are trying to get bloggers to link directly to the site.

For my money, there’s a bit of a missed opportunity not have an ’embed this on your blog’ option – there’s something to help you share it, but only via email. Nevertheless, there’s no doubting that this social media campaign’s been a rip roaring success and looks set to run and run.

 

Edit 23/4/09 – Now on YouTube:

Pepsi Max Advert – Truly Scary Dancing

Dear readers, I’ve been loving Pepsi Max ad which is currently running on TV in the UK. The basic premise is a group of friends who collude to ensure one of their number is successful in a job interview.

To be honest, the whole job interview sequence is pretty unremarkable (or perhaps I just don’t find that sort of thing funny).

What really tickles me is the truly scary, hideously awful dancing said group of friends break into right at the end. It happens at around 43 seconds – see for yourself:

In my head, the director says something like ‘show us your moves, guys’ or maybe ‘throw some shapes’ (or maybe that’s just what I would say).

The guys bust some truly awful moves, and the rest my loves is history.

I’m kinda pleased they didn’t cut the ‘dancing’ – it makes me giggle everytime I see it.