The Early Bird Sits Bored Out of Her Brain

So, yesterday I found myself sat in the Starbucks opposite Victoria Station, because, as usual I’d arrived early for an ‘Agency Day’ at Google’s offices in Victoria.

I annoy myself by being consistently early for all businessy stuff, and yet terminally late for my family and friends.

As a result of my terminal earlyness, I sat in Starbucks wondering what I could usefully do with my time. I ended up writing out a list of possible keywords for an upcoming Landlords Insurance PPC campaign. However, halfway through my (really rather impressive) list, someone decided to sit far too close to me, and proceeded to try to read what the hell I was writing.

Bloody nose ache. I was tempted to launch into a tirade of abuse, but instead figured I might as well head to Google’s offices instead.

Upon my arrival at the offices, there’s a minor kerfuffle as my name badge isn’t there. Naturally I blush from my cheek bones to my waist, even though I’ve nothing to blush about. Excellent start.

They decide that writing my name on a sticky white label will surfice. I feel like a complete loser.

Then someone escorts me to the appropriate floor. I feel like some kind of criminal. Sucks to be me. Anyways, I’m in.

I would, (of course) reveal all Google’s dirty little secrets but I’m afraid they might hire a contract killer to take me out if I do. They make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before you go in… The thing is I didn’t actually read the non-disclosure agreement, so may life may still yet be in danger due to me disclosing the non-disclosure agreement.

Hmmmm.

So anyways, the other reason that I can’t disclose anything, is because, well, they didn’t really tell us anything new… heigh ho.

However, for those that care - I did notice the following (and I’m guessing it’s ok to disclose this - but if I go missing, you’ll know why - I’ll have been taken out of the game for revealing too much*):

They name their meeting rooms after tube stations.

I think this is lame at best, and a bit patronising - I could imagine the blurry yanks (sorry Brittany - not you) coming on over to ‘Lunden’ spotting a tube map and thinking:

“How quaint!”

“You know what would be really cool? Let’s call all the meeting rooms after these tube stations, then the Lundeners will like totally see we’ve embraced their culture!”

I’m being mean, I know.

But it also strikes me as being potentially confusing - imagine the emails going round:

Dear All,

We’ve a meeting in Green Park at 10am on Tuesday - please RSVP.

Kind regards

Longtime Google Worker

Response:

Dear Longtime Google Worker,

I can make Tuesday’s meeting.

Whereabouts in Green Park? Are we meeting in a cafe or something? Sorry I’m new!

Kind regards

Newbie Google Worker

But perhaps we should move on…

They have a replica old style red telephone box, but it says ‘Googlebox’ rather than ‘Telephone Box’

Erm… Googlebox sounds rude to me… And again they (yep I mean yanks but again not you Brittany) rip off our culture.

Nuff said.

*Tell my family and friends I love them.