The Shop Which Customer Service Forgot…

Dear readers, I give you the Great British Post Office:

An institution if you will; a bastion against customer service… At least in Hackney, and indeed my own little corner of South West London - perhaps elsewhere they’re better?

Here’s a lovely example of their total disregard for customer service -

Image credit gruntzooki via flickr

This picture was taken in a Post Office in Hackney.

Firstly, you’ll be pleased to note the message from the staff requesting that customer’s do not allow their children to ’spoil’ the leaflets… Fair enough, I guess. But, notice that said leaflet dispenser is completely empty.

Hmmm - I can kinda picture it now…

Disgruntled member of Post Office staff - “All my lovely leaflets have been spoiled by horrible, horrible children… Look! I have even written them a note (on some sticky white labels which I bought with my own money), but still they ignore me! Well that’s it, if they cannot respect my leaflets - they shall not have access to them. Maybe that will teach them!”

Disgruntled member of Post Office Staff then self-importantly empties said dispenser, and places all leaflets out of harms way behind the counter.

Trouble is, there’s always (and I mean always) a massive queue in the Post Office. Probably (at least in part) because in the vast majority of Post Offices people are queuing up needlessly for forms / leaflets which ought to be on display on the shop floor.

It’s a complete nonsense.

To add insult to the mind-numbing, spirit crushing wait you have to endure in order to ask politely for said forms the typical response is from the member of staff is ‘They should be in the dispenser’.

At which point you really have to bite your tongue. What you really want to say is ‘Yes, they should be in the dispenser shouldn’t they, then I wouldn’t have had to waste my precious lunch hour waiting in a queue, only for you to tell me - in your infinite wisdom - that they really should be in the dispenser.’

Instead you smile, shrug your shoulders and say something like ‘I guess someone must have just taken the last one’.

The member of staff looks at you as if you are a huge, steaming pile of dog turd. They don’t even bother trying to disguise their hate and general contempt for you, as they sigh weightily (to reinforce the gross inconvenience you have caused) and haul ass out of their mangy looking old office chair to go and find you your leaflet / form.

You try not to giggle as you notice that in getting off their chair, they swivelled the back of the chair to face you, and you can see their pathetic sticky white label on which they have boldly proclaimed in felt tip ‘Jeanette’s Chair - DO NOT ADJUST’.

After what feels like a lifetime they eventually return (but of course not before they’ve had an in depth conversation with another member of staff regarding the particulars of their next lunch break) ‘Well I was going to go at 1 Marilyn, but really I don’t mind - I could go at 12.30 if it’s better for you, although I do need to make sure I go before 1.30… so shall we say 1? Or 12.30? Well what’s Gina doing? Gina - when are you going? Well Gina’s going at 2… No, I couldn’t go at 2 - it’s too late for lunch y’know…’

By now your palms are sweating, you’re hearts beating a little faster - she’s got your leaflet - she’s heading this way - you’re gonna be able to leave this god forsaken place…

With a supreme effort she negotiates her way back on to her chair. She passes you your leaflet, you smile and turn to go.

‘Erm - I think you mean thank you… some people are so rude’ she complains to her colleague.

It’s all too much for you. You wish you had some kind of superhuman power that would allow you to exact some kind of revenge…

With your lazer beam eyes you cause every screw holding her chair together to simultaneously perish so she lands on her generous backside on the floor…

Or with your powers of telekinesis you cause her stapler to staple her top and bottom lip together…

Or you just leave like the lilly-livered coward you are and vow to write a vitriolic blog post…