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Ah advertising agencies. Sometimes they get it so very, very wrong.

Or indeed perhaps, sometimes the advertising agencies are just victims of over-zealous clients who believe unerringly in their own perfect slogan (the client is always right.. accept when they’re wrong).

Either way here’s a list of my favourite head smackingly stupid advert slogans:

1. Phillips Arcitec - “Conquered the skies. Conquered Mount Everest. Conquered the neck”

Really? Conquered the neck? Wow. 

2. Norwich Union / Aviva - “Sometimes a Change of Name is More than a Change of Name, it’s a Chance to Show the World Who You’ve Always Wanted to Be.”

I’m not sure if this a stupid slogan, so much as a stupid ad, but bear with me.

I’d wager that you could show the world who you’ve always wanted to be, without changing your name. I’d also wager that for the people featured in the ad, a change of name was just that. A. Change. Of. Name.

Incidentally, the real reason for Norwich Union’s change of name? Globalisation… Nice. 

3. Pringles Select - “The Posh Pringle”

Oh dear God. Pringles will never be posh.

Nope, not even when they come in a bag *shock-horror* rather than a tube. Actually this whole ad is shite.

4. Oxy - “Engineered Specifically for Male Skin”

Engineered? Wikipedia defines engineering as:

“The creative application of scientific principles to design or develop structures, machines, apparatus, or manufacturing processes…”

Erm Oxy make soap. Not structures, machines or apparatus. Did they do some research which suggested teenage boys would think that a soap that was ‘engineered’ was some how better than one which was ‘formulated’.

Dicks.

5. Turtle Wax Ice - ”Wax at the Speed of Ice”

Yep, you read that correctly.

Wax at the Speed of Ice.

Erm, the thing is, ice doesn’t really move that fast. According to WikiAnswers Antarctic ice moves anywhere between 30 inches to four feet per hour.

Uh oh. I mean I’m no athlete, but even I can move faster than that. Let’s hope the product actually allows you to wax faster than ice, eh?

Apologies for the hideous quality of the ad - if anyone can find a better one, please let me know.

Got your own favourite head smackingly stupid advertising slogan? Hit up the comments loves

On Friday I saw a great example of social media in action. I’m not embarrassed to admit it gave me a little shiver of joy. Mainly because lots (and lots and lots) of peeps ganged up on the Daily Mail (nope they’re not getting a link).

The Daily Mail run an awful lot of ridiculous polls.

The wording of these polls often leave a lot to be desired.

Friday’s little gem was “Should the NHS allow gipsies to jump the queue?”

It’s head-smackingly awful.

Ideally, if you’re running a poll, you shouldn’t be trying to lead your voters into a particular outcome. Basically the Daily Mail has provided an excellent example of how NOT to run a poll.

But, the Daily Mail didn’t count on the likes of the good folk on twitter getting wind of the poll, and subverting it.

Here’s how the poll looked on Friday afternoon:

Yep, 92% of those polled think that the NHS *should* allow gipsies (or should that be gypsies?) to jump the queue.

In your face Daily Mail.

Hello loves, this is guest post from the lovely Jules, about our very lovely friend Damon.

My friend Damon giggles when a manly laugh would be more suitable. My friend Damon giggles at his own jokes. He even giggles when they’re not that funny.

My friend Damon eats mayonnaise with everything. I worry about his cholesterol. Even our old boss worried about his cholesterol: when Damon took a sick day, his return-to-work interview revolved entirely around his mayonnaise consumption.

My friend Damon will not show up to a party without a bottle of wine or worse, a gift that only a true friend would bring. My only decent wine glasses are from my friend Damon.

My friend Damon is from Iran, and on the night of Saturday 13^th June 2009, my friend Damon didn’t sleep.

He didn’t sleep because he sat up reading emails from his friends at the University of Tehran. He sat up waiting to hear if the siege had stopped; or if the bloody massacre had abated; but most of all, he stayed up to see if the government would finally let any medical aid in or out of the halls of residence.

He stayed up right until they started jamming the emails and blocking all communications.

Then he just stayed up.

I write this article on Thursday 18^th June 2009. As you read it now, the situation may have resolved itself. Or it may not. Please go find go out.

Democracy is only a word until something is done.

Last night the Guard and Militia attacked the University of Tehran’s Halls of Residence and opened fire on the students, arresting some and destroying their rooms and property. The same thing has happened in the Isfahan Technical University. 5 students were killed.

Both universities are under seige. The students cannot get out or get medical attention as neither ambulances or medical staff are being allowed access.

Ah Michael Jackson. Such a nut-job.

Take a look at the following press release:

MICHAEL JACKSON DEMANDS SING AND SIGN
Michael Jackson wants all the children who will perform with him during his London residency to know sign language.

The ‘Thriller’ singer is due to kick-off his 50-date residency at London’s O2 arena next month and has sent an email telling promoters AEG the requirements he wants for his team of young singers.

A source said: “Normally when we cast choirs for acts, it’s quite a laborious task. But in this case, it’s proving a near impossibility. Jackson is a perfectionist and wants it exactly right and that means every child being able to do sign language.

“AEG are desperate to keep him happy and so are pulling out all the stops to make it happen. But it’s a race against time.”

The 50-year-old star also wants the choir to made up of “exactly equal” numbers of black, white, mixed-race and Asian children.

Auditions take place in London next week and the children will be paid to try out.

According to Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper, the email stated: “No past professional experience is necessary… due to children’s work permit laws we will cast more than one choir.”

Jackson is also looking for six snare drummers and has banned them from having beards.
Another email read: “They must be young adults, clean-cut and of mixed ethnicity.

“They must be real drummers, so please do not waste our time suggesting people who are not.”

Last month, it was revealed Jackson - who is rumoured to be battling skin cancer - would kick off his concert run on July 13, five days later than originally planned. Shows scheduled to take place on July 10, 12 and 14 have been moved to the end of the residency in March 2010.
 
10 June 2009 10:14:53

And I think my clients are picky.

The sing and sign thing is going to be tough enough to fulfil, but “exactly equal numbers of black, white, mixed-race and Asian children”?

…”don’t matter if you’re black or white” - clearly in this case it does.